Preparing for Marriage

Prepare for the wedding past the photo shots and IG/FB post.

When preparing for the wedding it's very easy to get caught up on the idea of being married. However, you have to prepare for the marriage way before you are asked or you're thinking about proposing for the men. Men are suppose to be the head of the home however, you have to have a vision of what you were created to do before you can think about bringing a wife into the equation. Your wife is to be your helpmate so with that being said if you don't have anything for her to help with she can't fulfill her part of being your helpmate. And sometimes if you don't have a vision she will go and create her own.

So before you think about proposing be sure to have your vision in place and working toward it so that when you get your helpmate she is able to catch the vision and propel it to all it is intended to be. Lead your household with your vision and purpose so that your wife can follow.

There are a few other things to consider when preparing for marriage:

1. Money

Money is one of the biggest obstacles that most marriages face and sometimes lose the battle. So it's best to discuss money from the very beginning and get a view of how each handles money. That allows you to make adjustments if necessary and determine who will handle the funds the best to ensure you all are working together.

2. Religion

God is to be the third cord in your marriage so it is certainly important to be on the same accord when it comes to your beliefs. This is certainly key to ensuring that you marriage will sustain the storms when they come. You will both share your FAITH and know that God will see you through it all.

3. Kids

Do you plan to have kids, do you want kids? Be honest with one another about your desires as it relates to having kids. It's not fair to enter into a marriage with false hopes if you are not honest. Who will be the primary caregiver for the children from the beginning such as will the wife be a stay at home mom or maybe dad wants to be a stay at home dad. Whatever you desire share it with one another so that you have a plan before the time comes and to ensure you're both in agreement.

4. Discipline

Talk about how you all will deal with discipline as it relates to the children that you all plan to have. Don't leave anything to assumption be sure to have a clear plan of how discipline will be handled from the start.

5. Career

Will you both work and help support the family? Will one go back to school to increase earning potential or maybe go after your passion/purpose? This is certainly a big part of creating balance within the home. You never want to feel unhappy in your career and afraid to go after what you truly desire so honesty and support is key as it relates to career.

6. Realistic expectations

Don't look at celebrities and set your expectations by their standards because you don't see their lives daily. When I say realistic expectations I mean simple things as will we have date night once a week, once every two weeks or once a month. Will the husband take out the garbage, mow the lawn, wash the cars etc. Those are the realistic expectations I'm referring to and of course there are many more but open up the lines of communication and be honest about what you want and be willing to compromise if it's not a deal breaker for you.

7. Schools

Will your kids go to public or private school or maybe you want to home school them? These are all things certainly worthy of discussion and agreement.

8. Cooking

If you don't know how to cook are you willing to learn or do you want someone that knows how to cook and willing to do the majority of cooking? Will you all eat out a lot or maybe if neither of you know how to cook you can practice and learn together. Make it fun request that everyone that comes to your wedding bring you a recipe so you will have your very own cookbook from your loved ones and more than likely have some of your favorite foods from your loved ones.

9. Home

It is certainly important to determine where you will live once you say I do. We you rent a place, buy a home or maybe one will move into the other's home? Don't skip on this discussion or leave it to chance.

Ultimately you want to make sure when hard times come you are compatible with each other so you're able to love each other through. Be friends with one another from the start I promise it will help you when times get hard so that you can laugh and love through the years. You won't always like your spouse but you should always love them and that will give you great joy over the years. Strive to make your spouses life easier each day by putting them first and that way you both will get what you need and want. Marriage is a union that you must enter with clear expectations to create a lifetime of happiness. The goal is always to become one so the sooner you replace mine, I and me with our and us that's key in creating partnership.

Kiss every chance you get. Hug like you mean it! Having a goal helps us make choices that free us. What you do EVERYDAY matters more than what you do ONCE IN A WHILE.

Seeds to Producing Security in Your Marriage

One of the most important attributes you can bring to your marriage is SECURITY. Money is not the only form of security, however, take into account that security for each person will be defined differently.

For me, security in my marriage means knowing that I'm the only woman my husband has eyes for. I love that he shows me security in a very tangible way by giving me a foot rub or back massage regularly. Knowing that I'm being a good steward over what he works hard to provide, he entrusts me with the finances and gives me a sense of satisfaction. My most prized form of security in my marriage is how much my husband prays for me and how much he believes in the destiny God has for my life.

Security for him is that when he's at work he is assured that the home is being taken care of and when he comes home, I can't wait to see him. I make it my business to have dinner ready and that I smell amazing when he walks through the door. He knows that I can handle myself in most situations but it never takes away from his rightful place as head of our home. He loves that we steal special times throughout the day to check in on one another whether it's a text, call, FaceTime or face to face interaction. Those moments create such a bond that have no other choice but to produce security within our MARRIAGE.

Always remember to communicate with one another and never hold back feelings because they can build up and tear down all that you have worked so hard to create. Security is a firm foundation to build your marriage on because it encompasses trust. If you have those, you have solid ground to build a long lasting marriage that will stand through the test of time. When you communicate with one another, it gives you a view into each others thoughts, hopes, dreams, and desires; it allows you an opportunity to pray for one another and be the helpmate that God intended you to be for and to your spouse.

Our hope is that you can take away some key points to implement in your marriage to help you create security for one another. Security is one of the biggest things we desire in our marriage and each day, we work to ensure that it is ever present in our MARRIAGE.

Kiss every chance you get. Hug like you mean it! Having a goal helps us make choices that free us. What you do EVERY DAY matters more than what you do ONCE IN A WHILE.
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Keys to Growing Together in Marriage Instead of Apart

I have heard a lot of couples that say they are getting a divorce because they grew apart. For me that is not an option in our marriage because me and my husband have made a commitment to one another that no matter what we will support each other in everything. Also you have to take the option of divorce off the table that's the easy way out. With that being said I think a major mistake that some couples make is they leave room for things to go wrong and you may be saying what does that mean?

Well here are a few questions I want you to answer truthfully to help in your marriage.

1. Do you both communicate with one another on a daily basis and especially before making decisions?

2. Do you take your spouses opinions into account before making decisions?

3. Do you think about how the other would be affected by your decisions?

Something that Cleavon and I have decided a long time ago in our marriage is that we would continue to date each other even after marriage. Not only that but, while on that date we talk about each other not the kids. We made a conscious decision to continue to connect on an intimate leave with one another because we know that one day our kids will be grown and gone on to live their lives. If your marriage is totally about just the kids what happens once their all grown up and leave home? You end up saying we grew apart and I’m not happy anymore. When in reality you hadn’t been happy for a long time and have grown apart a long time ago. Because you weren't taking the time to continue to connect with your spouse outside of only talking about the kids and the household bills etc.  However you were so wrapped up in the kids that you didn’t notice the changes that were happening right in front of your eyes. And now that you no longer have your safety zone (the kids) you are forced to see what was in front of you all the time. Marriage takes work on both parts and if you’re not ready to do the work you will end up alone.

Today my husband did something that I thought was so sweet and it prompted me to really take a look at how much this man truly loves me! We had been so busy this weekend and did not really get a chance to see one another he asked if I was not busy to come and meet him because he needed to look into my eyes. Wow "my reply, was a big smile and an absolute YES and what time my love"? I also advised him that yes I felt that as well and needed some cuddle time as well. So we met and it was totally a small thing to some but that is the type of small things you have to do to ensure your marriage stands the test of time. You never want to take for granted that your love will always be there and that your spouse does not have needs. At this point in our lives we are encountering some life changing things and if were not careful we certainly could find ourselves growing apart. However, for Cleavon and I that is certainly not an option so we take the small things and do them continuously everyday to ensure we grow together in life during every stage of our lives. I urge you to take the time to fertilize your marriage so that it will continue to grow and you and your spouse have the support from one another to always be able to grow but grow together as one.

My prayer is for everyone that reads this post to be helped in your marriage, That it will grow and flourish to be all that God has purposed for it to be as one unit and that you walk together always. I pray that you take the time each day to meet each other’s needs and keep the lines of communication open at all times. And most importantly if you have not placed God at the center of your union that you do so now and always pray together and for one another. In Jesus name Amen

Kiss every chance you get. Hug like you mean it! Having a goal helps us make choices that free us. What you do EVERY DAY matters more than what you do ONCE IN A WHILE.
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How to have a forever kind of LOVE

I was watching a tv show the other night and noticed that after 25 years of marriage and 4 kids this couple decided that they were going to get a divorce. And of course the first thing that came to mind was WOW. After 25 years why could they not have worked it out and made 25 more years of memories. However, what I have come to realize is even if we have the best of intentions to be together forever it does not always work out that way. And to be totally honest with you it really makes me sad when couples have the option for divorce on the table at all. I believe that there are ways to continue to love each other and grow together instead of apart but that requires WORK on both sides.

Here are a few things that have sustained me and my hubby's marriage for 15 years but together for 24 years. I felt it my duty to share what has helped us in our pursuit to achieving that FOREVER kind of LOVE even when it's just me and my spouse! Well what I mean by that is that when you first get together it's all roses and you can't get enough of each other, than you begin to have children and they become the center of your world. And you forget about the things you shared with your spouse that made you fall in love in the first place. It might have been the way she looks at you, the way he rubs your back, or maybe a song that reminds you of each other. You no longer take the time to look into each others eyes and really have a conservation that does not involve the kids, bills, your jobs or anything other than the two of you. I know we all love our children and our lives can so easily get consumed by being the best parents, but what we have to realize is one day they are going to grow up and leave the nest. Than it will be just you and your spouse "hopefully" if you work at putting each other first. But guess what if you don't take the time to continue to grow and know who your spouse is becoming over the years you will find yourself saying we have grown apart and end up in divorce court. The best gift that you can give your kids is the example of a marriage filled with love, compassion, laughter, togetherness and friendship. That is the example you want to set for them to model so that they continue the generations of POWERFUL marriages and know how to accomplish that "FOREVER KIND OF LOVE".

So to help avoid this at all cost let's get down to the basics:

1. Make God the third strand in your marriage. If you have not yet been connected to the vine get connected because without him you all don't stand a chance.

2. Take divorce off the table don't let the devil tell you that it's better on the other side because 9 times out of 10 it's not.

3. Work at your marriage daily which means put the other persons needs before your own and you both will end up getting just what you needed from the other person without even thinking about it.

4. Date your spouse find time each day to do something nice for them and find time at least once or twice a month where you all go out and have a good time together and focus on just the two of you. The date does not have to cost anything it's just about you all enjoying each others company. And the little things go a long way it may be something as simple as texting your spouse I love you, or have a great day, rubbing their feet or back whatever you know your spouse loves for you to do make it a habit to do it more often and I promise it will work out for your good.

5. Don't let the kids be all that you all have in common try new things and experience things together it never hurts to try something at least once even if you may not be jumping for joy to begin with in the end you may find out that you really enjoyed yourself.

6. Avoid pushing buttons with your spouse that you know will upset them or get them worked up this way you avoid unnecessary confrontation that will lead to an argument that will most likely end up bad.

7. Be your spouses friend be the one that they can come to and talk about anything and know that you will never use what is spoken against them but will always help, motivate, inspire and love them through. Genesis 2:18 Then the Lord God said, "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him."

8. Remember that you all are a team and that you all can accomplish much more together than apart. Work together teamwork truly does make the dream work. God said in Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him-a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

9. Never stop desiring one another keep it interesting in the bedroom remember make time to attend to each other's needs and never make each other feel that you are uninterested.

10. And last but certainly not least never allow the sun to go down and you're mad with one another. This is actually one of the things that me and my husband started out doing in the beginning and as we got more into our marriage we stopped doing, however we have worked our way back to this very important principle. And in closing marriage is a beautiful thing and well worth the work you put into it! If you can remember what made you fall in love with the person daily even when they have gotten on your last nerve that will allow you to continue to love that person in spite of their faults or shortcomings. Always remember we are not perfect and we are all works in progress so if you both work to be the best you daily it would be that much greater when you all come together as a couple. Remember to say I apologize forgive me.

Kiss every chance you get. Hug him like you mean it! Having a goal helps us make choices that free us. What you do EVERY DAY matters more than what you do ONCE IN A WHILE.
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We are always asked "how have you guys stayed together so long"

Well to be honest with you it's not always easy, however we work together each day to support, encourage, uplift and most importantly love each other no matter what!

The best thing we could have done for our relationship was put Jesus first, Jackson's second and everything else lines up! We decided to get married in 1998 but due to some conflict with the relationship at the time it did not happen. But God did not give up on what he meant for us to be to one another. So in November of 1999 we took the leap and became husband and wife. Mind you we only had a idea of what being married meant lol. For me I had the model of a mother and father that were friends as well as soul mates and to this day my father has yet to remarry once my mother passed away. And when he's asked why he never remarried he says "no one can compare to what I had." That has truly stuck with me as I continue to grow and live with my best friend of over 20 years. We may not always agree with one another however we always love each other beyond the faults.

When we had our baby girl Chloe' in 2002, we decided we needed a change because Miami was not yielding any change in our lives as individuals and certainly would have been destruction to what we were trying to build in marriage. We decided to put roots down in Georgia and to this day I thank God that we were obedient and left Miami. It allowed us to grow as a couple and build and put roots that will grow and yield great return. You may say what does that mean? Well for Mr. Jackson it meant him truly surrendering everything to God and allowing him to lead his family to Christ. He decided to give his life to God and that made all the difference in our lives. He surrendered first and I followed and now we are seeing the blessing of God on our kids' lives as well as ours. We set out to be the example for our generation that divorce was not an option, to break generational curses, and to guide our children to what God has destined for their lives.

As I said earlier, I lived in a two parent home. Not to say that it was perfect but I saw real time what it was like to be husband and wife, the good, bad and indifferent. They always worked it out and came together to keep pushing for a common goal of keeping their family together. Now on the other hand, my hubby did not see what it meant to be married because he lived in a home with his great grandmother, grandmother, and aunts and uncles. For him our marriage took on a whole different aspect for him. He said he wanted to be a present father in every aspect of his kids lives and to this day I would not trade anything about him because there is nothing that he would not do for his FAMILY! It just goes to show that it's not about where or what you came from but more about what you do to make that change a positive one. For us I brought to our marriage that I was going to be a women that stood by my man no matter what and he brought that he was in this for the long haul. However the individual things we brought to the table would not be enough to sustain us alone so we needed to get connected to the vine. And once we did that I tell you it's certainly the best thing that could have ever happened to us! We love God and he has truly showed us how to love each other and our kids.

We are about to embark of grandparenthood and can't be more elated to experience it and know that because of our diligence with teaching our children what it means to live a life sold-out for God our son has made us proud. At the age of 20 he shared with us that he planned to ask his girlfriend to be his wife and of course as parents we asked are you sure, are you ready, do you know what it means to be a husband etc. And of course he said yes to all of our questions so at that point we knew that we had made a lasting impression on him to know that if you wanted to be with her, marriage was the best option because that is what we modeled and spoke of constantly. We never kept the truth from our children about how our relationship started but we always encouraged them to do it right and see the blessings of God on their lives. So on September of 2015 they said I do at the courthouse and later followed up with a formal wedding in May, 2015. I said all of this to say that generational curses are real, however they can be broken if you seek God, believe, and pray that those things are dead. That's exactly what we did together as husband and wife. I prayed that my children would not have to experience parenthood as singles, but enjoy the experience with the person that God has destined for them to share a lifetime with.

And in closing if I can leave you with anything at all it would be surrender to God and he will make all the difference in every aspect of your life as long as you open up every area. To answer the question, God is why we have been together for 20 plus years and knowing that no matter what we will always ask what would Jesus do in every situation. Be slow to angry, quick to forgive, and always willing to admit when you're wrong. One of the sweetest things that I have heard my girls say after a conference they attended for youth was that they were writing a list of what they required in a husband and that they pray about it and can check off things once that person enters their lives. At the age of 16 and 13 that is so inspiring to hear from this generation that a lot have written off but for me, I believe that these young people will be world changers with the help of God, parents, friends, relatives, and others that directly influence a young person today. Let's all do our parts and step up and be the best YOU that you can be and always remember that you always have eyes on you even when you can't see them.

Kiss every chance you get. Hug him like you mean it! Having a goal helps us make choices that free us. What you do EVERY DAY matters more than what you do ONCE IN A WHILE.
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Continue to Date Your Spouse

Sometimes we get so busy with day to day life, that we forget the very things that connected us in the first place. There is a misconception that dating stops once you put a ring on. That couldn't be further from the truth. It is essential to have a date night with your spouse often to maintain that love and communication with one another. For your relationship it may be once a month, every two weeks or once a week you make that decision. The important thing is that you make it a priority to spend time with one another where there is no one else in the room just you and your spouse. I mean that's what it should seem like because you're so entangled in each others presence and that it's creating memories for years to come that you will look back on and smile.

Remember the date does not have to be the man's plan, women we have some very creative ideas that will put a smile on our man's face. And if you're not creative google romantic date ideas, or fun date ideas google is your friend use it if necessary. Everything you did to get that mate was a requirement it does not stop there. Sometimes you have to push rewind because that's what worked. I know for me I love when my husband puts on clothes and smells good so I want a date night just because of that because it takes me back to our dating days before marriage and I remember when he use to make sure he looked and smelled good before coming to my house. Y'all know what I'm talking about I love when we are able to recreate those special moments that remind us why we fell for that person.

For me and my hubby we do date night once a week sometimes twice a week. We take our marriage serious and want to do everything possible to ensure that we make it last for a lifetime. Date night/day helps strengthen your marriage in so many ways. It certainly helps with communication and if you play your cards right it can help in the bedroom and you get lucky after date night at home.

Date night does not have to be elaborate it can be as simple as a walk in the park and you all swing on the swings and maybe act like kids taking it back to when you were carefree, but the best part now is that you share life with a wonderful partner. My husband and I love doing date night on a budget so I'm always looking for coupons or deals, it's not about the money it's about the time spent and the memories we make with one another.

My prayer is that this helps those married couples that come across it and put it into action and your marriage is strengthen and made better. Love flows through a marriage that lives up to mutual responsibility. “Love is not self seeking, it’s not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrong.” (1 Corinthians 13:5 )

Kiss every chance you get. Hug him like you mean it! Having a goal helps us make choices that free us. What you do EVERY DAY matters more than what you do ONCE IN A WHILE.
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The Modern Woman Proverbs 31

We all make choices. Some very vibrant and intelligent women trade fame and fortune for peace and quiet. It is a matter of preference. Do not allow peer pressure to force you into a role that makes you uncomfortable. You have a right, as a daughter of the living God, to press toward goals and promises that are as unique and diverse as you can imagine.

Even animals have a strategy for the future. It is crucial that you also prepare a strategy by assessing the environment in which you must survive. Then, begin to make preparations for the changing seasons of life. If the ant has to do it, so do you.

The daughter who aspires to a lofty goal that she is capable of managing emotionally and intellectually should not be restricted purely on the basis of her sex. Likewise, within the gender, other women should not try to belittle her because she has chosen to express her gifting in an arena that may not be traditional in her society. Need I remind you that the virtuous woman in Proverbs 31 was a businesswoman who owned property, produced products, sold goods and cared for her family? She was a modern woman.

Do not allow even well-meaning Christians to box you in with their personal preferences. You do not have to consult any ladies luncheon group or sewing circle. A single woman is submitted to her God. A married woman is submitted to her husband. Beyond the submission outlined in Scripture, tell everyone else to stop playing God with your future. In spiritual matters, whether you are married or unmarried, submit to your pastor (see Hebrews 13:17).

Let's look back again at these precious daughters of Zelophehad who went to Moses to challenge the fairness of the "good o boys" policy that was in effect (see Numbers 27:1-11). Their actions suggested, " We are women, but we are blessed women." In other words, "We are not cursed, and we have the right to walk as any other blessed person walks." They did it without male bashing or disrespect to authority. They went through proper channels, but bless God, they went through. You don't want to be rebellious, because "rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft" (see 1 Samuel 15:23). Nevertheless, you still want to get what the Father has for you to inherit.

You are a modern woman. You are free to be everything God has gifted you to be. Do not allow the world to define what your womanhood should be. Know God's call to your life and obey it. There has never been a time when women have been more free. So explore, express, and enjoy the opportunities He setts before you.

Kiss every chance you get. Hug him like you mean it! Having a goal helps us make choices that free us. What you do EVERY DAY matters more than what you do ONCE IN A WHILE.
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