Preparing for Marriage

Prepare for the wedding past the photo shots and IG/FB post.

When preparing for the wedding it's very easy to get caught up on the idea of being married. However, you have to prepare for the marriage way before you are asked or you're thinking about proposing for the men. Men are suppose to be the head of the home however, you have to have a vision of what you were created to do before you can think about bringing a wife into the equation. Your wife is to be your helpmate so with that being said if you don't have anything for her to help with she can't fulfill her part of being your helpmate. And sometimes if you don't have a vision she will go and create her own.

So before you think about proposing be sure to have your vision in place and working toward it so that when you get your helpmate she is able to catch the vision and propel it to all it is intended to be. Lead your household with your vision and purpose so that your wife can follow.

There are a few other things to consider when preparing for marriage:

1. Money

Money is one of the biggest obstacles that most marriages face and sometimes lose the battle. So it's best to discuss money from the very beginning and get a view of how each handles money. That allows you to make adjustments if necessary and determine who will handle the funds the best to ensure you all are working together.

2. Religion

God is to be the third cord in your marriage so it is certainly important to be on the same accord when it comes to your beliefs. This is certainly key to ensuring that you marriage will sustain the storms when they come. You will both share your FAITH and know that God will see you through it all.

3. Kids

Do you plan to have kids, do you want kids? Be honest with one another about your desires as it relates to having kids. It's not fair to enter into a marriage with false hopes if you are not honest. Who will be the primary caregiver for the children from the beginning such as will the wife be a stay at home mom or maybe dad wants to be a stay at home dad. Whatever you desire share it with one another so that you have a plan before the time comes and to ensure you're both in agreement.

4. Discipline

Talk about how you all will deal with discipline as it relates to the children that you all plan to have. Don't leave anything to assumption be sure to have a clear plan of how discipline will be handled from the start.

5. Career

Will you both work and help support the family? Will one go back to school to increase earning potential or maybe go after your passion/purpose? This is certainly a big part of creating balance within the home. You never want to feel unhappy in your career and afraid to go after what you truly desire so honesty and support is key as it relates to career.

6. Realistic expectations

Don't look at celebrities and set your expectations by their standards because you don't see their lives daily. When I say realistic expectations I mean simple things as will we have date night once a week, once every two weeks or once a month. Will the husband take out the garbage, mow the lawn, wash the cars etc. Those are the realistic expectations I'm referring to and of course there are many more but open up the lines of communication and be honest about what you want and be willing to compromise if it's not a deal breaker for you.

7. Schools

Will your kids go to public or private school or maybe you want to home school them? These are all things certainly worthy of discussion and agreement.

8. Cooking

If you don't know how to cook are you willing to learn or do you want someone that knows how to cook and willing to do the majority of cooking? Will you all eat out a lot or maybe if neither of you know how to cook you can practice and learn together. Make it fun request that everyone that comes to your wedding bring you a recipe so you will have your very own cookbook from your loved ones and more than likely have some of your favorite foods from your loved ones.

9. Home

It is certainly important to determine where you will live once you say I do. We you rent a place, buy a home or maybe one will move into the other's home? Don't skip on this discussion or leave it to chance.

Ultimately you want to make sure when hard times come you are compatible with each other so you're able to love each other through. Be friends with one another from the start I promise it will help you when times get hard so that you can laugh and love through the years. You won't always like your spouse but you should always love them and that will give you great joy over the years. Strive to make your spouses life easier each day by putting them first and that way you both will get what you need and want. Marriage is a union that you must enter with clear expectations to create a lifetime of happiness. The goal is always to become one so the sooner you replace mine, I and me with our and us that's key in creating partnership.

Kiss every chance you get. Hug like you mean it! Having a goal helps us make choices that free us. What you do EVERYDAY matters more than what you do ONCE IN A WHILE.

Seeds to Producing Security in Your Marriage

One of the most important attributes you can bring to your marriage is SECURITY. Money is not the only form of security, however, take into account that security for each person will be defined differently.

For me, security in my marriage means knowing that I'm the only woman my husband has eyes for. I love that he shows me security in a very tangible way by giving me a foot rub or back massage regularly. Knowing that I'm being a good steward over what he works hard to provide, he entrusts me with the finances and gives me a sense of satisfaction. My most prized form of security in my marriage is how much my husband prays for me and how much he believes in the destiny God has for my life.

Security for him is that when he's at work he is assured that the home is being taken care of and when he comes home, I can't wait to see him. I make it my business to have dinner ready and that I smell amazing when he walks through the door. He knows that I can handle myself in most situations but it never takes away from his rightful place as head of our home. He loves that we steal special times throughout the day to check in on one another whether it's a text, call, FaceTime or face to face interaction. Those moments create such a bond that have no other choice but to produce security within our MARRIAGE.

Always remember to communicate with one another and never hold back feelings because they can build up and tear down all that you have worked so hard to create. Security is a firm foundation to build your marriage on because it encompasses trust. If you have those, you have solid ground to build a long lasting marriage that will stand through the test of time. When you communicate with one another, it gives you a view into each others thoughts, hopes, dreams, and desires; it allows you an opportunity to pray for one another and be the helpmate that God intended you to be for and to your spouse.

Our hope is that you can take away some key points to implement in your marriage to help you create security for one another. Security is one of the biggest things we desire in our marriage and each day, we work to ensure that it is ever present in our MARRIAGE.

Kiss every chance you get. Hug like you mean it! Having a goal helps us make choices that free us. What you do EVERY DAY matters more than what you do ONCE IN A WHILE.
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Keys to Growing Together in Marriage Instead of Apart

I have heard a lot of couples that say they are getting a divorce because they grew apart. For me that is not an option in our marriage because me and my husband have made a commitment to one another that no matter what we will support each other in everything. Also you have to take the option of divorce off the table that's the easy way out. With that being said I think a major mistake that some couples make is they leave room for things to go wrong and you may be saying what does that mean?

Well here are a few questions I want you to answer truthfully to help in your marriage.

1. Do you both communicate with one another on a daily basis and especially before making decisions?

2. Do you take your spouses opinions into account before making decisions?

3. Do you think about how the other would be affected by your decisions?

Something that Cleavon and I have decided a long time ago in our marriage is that we would continue to date each other even after marriage. Not only that but, while on that date we talk about each other not the kids. We made a conscious decision to continue to connect on an intimate leave with one another because we know that one day our kids will be grown and gone on to live their lives. If your marriage is totally about just the kids what happens once their all grown up and leave home? You end up saying we grew apart and I’m not happy anymore. When in reality you hadn’t been happy for a long time and have grown apart a long time ago. Because you weren't taking the time to continue to connect with your spouse outside of only talking about the kids and the household bills etc.  However you were so wrapped up in the kids that you didn’t notice the changes that were happening right in front of your eyes. And now that you no longer have your safety zone (the kids) you are forced to see what was in front of you all the time. Marriage takes work on both parts and if you’re not ready to do the work you will end up alone.

Today my husband did something that I thought was so sweet and it prompted me to really take a look at how much this man truly loves me! We had been so busy this weekend and did not really get a chance to see one another he asked if I was not busy to come and meet him because he needed to look into my eyes. Wow "my reply, was a big smile and an absolute YES and what time my love"? I also advised him that yes I felt that as well and needed some cuddle time as well. So we met and it was totally a small thing to some but that is the type of small things you have to do to ensure your marriage stands the test of time. You never want to take for granted that your love will always be there and that your spouse does not have needs. At this point in our lives we are encountering some life changing things and if were not careful we certainly could find ourselves growing apart. However, for Cleavon and I that is certainly not an option so we take the small things and do them continuously everyday to ensure we grow together in life during every stage of our lives. I urge you to take the time to fertilize your marriage so that it will continue to grow and you and your spouse have the support from one another to always be able to grow but grow together as one.

My prayer is for everyone that reads this post to be helped in your marriage, That it will grow and flourish to be all that God has purposed for it to be as one unit and that you walk together always. I pray that you take the time each day to meet each other’s needs and keep the lines of communication open at all times. And most importantly if you have not placed God at the center of your union that you do so now and always pray together and for one another. In Jesus name Amen

Kiss every chance you get. Hug like you mean it! Having a goal helps us make choices that free us. What you do EVERY DAY matters more than what you do ONCE IN A WHILE.
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How to have a forever kind of LOVE

I was watching a tv show the other night and noticed that after 25 years of marriage and 4 kids this couple decided that they were going to get a divorce. And of course the first thing that came to mind was WOW. After 25 years why could they not have worked it out and made 25 more years of memories. However, what I have come to realize is even if we have the best of intentions to be together forever it does not always work out that way. And to be totally honest with you it really makes me sad when couples have the option for divorce on the table at all. I believe that there are ways to continue to love each other and grow together instead of apart but that requires WORK on both sides.

Here are a few things that have sustained me and my hubby's marriage for 15 years but together for 24 years. I felt it my duty to share what has helped us in our pursuit to achieving that FOREVER kind of LOVE even when it's just me and my spouse! Well what I mean by that is that when you first get together it's all roses and you can't get enough of each other, than you begin to have children and they become the center of your world. And you forget about the things you shared with your spouse that made you fall in love in the first place. It might have been the way she looks at you, the way he rubs your back, or maybe a song that reminds you of each other. You no longer take the time to look into each others eyes and really have a conservation that does not involve the kids, bills, your jobs or anything other than the two of you. I know we all love our children and our lives can so easily get consumed by being the best parents, but what we have to realize is one day they are going to grow up and leave the nest. Than it will be just you and your spouse "hopefully" if you work at putting each other first. But guess what if you don't take the time to continue to grow and know who your spouse is becoming over the years you will find yourself saying we have grown apart and end up in divorce court. The best gift that you can give your kids is the example of a marriage filled with love, compassion, laughter, togetherness and friendship. That is the example you want to set for them to model so that they continue the generations of POWERFUL marriages and know how to accomplish that "FOREVER KIND OF LOVE".

So to help avoid this at all cost let's get down to the basics:

1. Make God the third strand in your marriage. If you have not yet been connected to the vine get connected because without him you all don't stand a chance.

2. Take divorce off the table don't let the devil tell you that it's better on the other side because 9 times out of 10 it's not.

3. Work at your marriage daily which means put the other persons needs before your own and you both will end up getting just what you needed from the other person without even thinking about it.

4. Date your spouse find time each day to do something nice for them and find time at least once or twice a month where you all go out and have a good time together and focus on just the two of you. The date does not have to cost anything it's just about you all enjoying each others company. And the little things go a long way it may be something as simple as texting your spouse I love you, or have a great day, rubbing their feet or back whatever you know your spouse loves for you to do make it a habit to do it more often and I promise it will work out for your good.

5. Don't let the kids be all that you all have in common try new things and experience things together it never hurts to try something at least once even if you may not be jumping for joy to begin with in the end you may find out that you really enjoyed yourself.

6. Avoid pushing buttons with your spouse that you know will upset them or get them worked up this way you avoid unnecessary confrontation that will lead to an argument that will most likely end up bad.

7. Be your spouses friend be the one that they can come to and talk about anything and know that you will never use what is spoken against them but will always help, motivate, inspire and love them through. Genesis 2:18 Then the Lord God said, "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him."

8. Remember that you all are a team and that you all can accomplish much more together than apart. Work together teamwork truly does make the dream work. God said in Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him-a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

9. Never stop desiring one another keep it interesting in the bedroom remember make time to attend to each other's needs and never make each other feel that you are uninterested.

10. And last but certainly not least never allow the sun to go down and you're mad with one another. This is actually one of the things that me and my husband started out doing in the beginning and as we got more into our marriage we stopped doing, however we have worked our way back to this very important principle. And in closing marriage is a beautiful thing and well worth the work you put into it! If you can remember what made you fall in love with the person daily even when they have gotten on your last nerve that will allow you to continue to love that person in spite of their faults or shortcomings. Always remember we are not perfect and we are all works in progress so if you both work to be the best you daily it would be that much greater when you all come together as a couple. Remember to say I apologize forgive me.

Kiss every chance you get. Hug him like you mean it! Having a goal helps us make choices that free us. What you do EVERY DAY matters more than what you do ONCE IN A WHILE.
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We are always asked "how have you guys stayed together so long"

Well to be honest with you it's not always easy, however we work together each day to support, encourage, uplift and most importantly love each other no matter what!

The best thing we could have done for our relationship was put Jesus first, Jackson's second and everything else lines up! We decided to get married in 1998 but due to some conflict with the relationship at the time it did not happen. But God did not give up on what he meant for us to be to one another. So in November of 1999 we took the leap and became husband and wife. Mind you we only had a idea of what being married meant lol. For me I had the model of a mother and father that were friends as well as soul mates and to this day my father has yet to remarry once my mother passed away. And when he's asked why he never remarried he says "no one can compare to what I had." That has truly stuck with me as I continue to grow and live with my best friend of over 20 years. We may not always agree with one another however we always love each other beyond the faults.

When we had our baby girl Chloe' in 2002, we decided we needed a change because Miami was not yielding any change in our lives as individuals and certainly would have been destruction to what we were trying to build in marriage. We decided to put roots down in Georgia and to this day I thank God that we were obedient and left Miami. It allowed us to grow as a couple and build and put roots that will grow and yield great return. You may say what does that mean? Well for Mr. Jackson it meant him truly surrendering everything to God and allowing him to lead his family to Christ. He decided to give his life to God and that made all the difference in our lives. He surrendered first and I followed and now we are seeing the blessing of God on our kids' lives as well as ours. We set out to be the example for our generation that divorce was not an option, to break generational curses, and to guide our children to what God has destined for their lives.

As I said earlier, I lived in a two parent home. Not to say that it was perfect but I saw real time what it was like to be husband and wife, the good, bad and indifferent. They always worked it out and came together to keep pushing for a common goal of keeping their family together. Now on the other hand, my hubby did not see what it meant to be married because he lived in a home with his great grandmother, grandmother, and aunts and uncles. For him our marriage took on a whole different aspect for him. He said he wanted to be a present father in every aspect of his kids lives and to this day I would not trade anything about him because there is nothing that he would not do for his FAMILY! It just goes to show that it's not about where or what you came from but more about what you do to make that change a positive one. For us I brought to our marriage that I was going to be a women that stood by my man no matter what and he brought that he was in this for the long haul. However the individual things we brought to the table would not be enough to sustain us alone so we needed to get connected to the vine. And once we did that I tell you it's certainly the best thing that could have ever happened to us! We love God and he has truly showed us how to love each other and our kids.

We are about to embark of grandparenthood and can't be more elated to experience it and know that because of our diligence with teaching our children what it means to live a life sold-out for God our son has made us proud. At the age of 20 he shared with us that he planned to ask his girlfriend to be his wife and of course as parents we asked are you sure, are you ready, do you know what it means to be a husband etc. And of course he said yes to all of our questions so at that point we knew that we had made a lasting impression on him to know that if you wanted to be with her, marriage was the best option because that is what we modeled and spoke of constantly. We never kept the truth from our children about how our relationship started but we always encouraged them to do it right and see the blessings of God on their lives. So on September of 2015 they said I do at the courthouse and later followed up with a formal wedding in May, 2015. I said all of this to say that generational curses are real, however they can be broken if you seek God, believe, and pray that those things are dead. That's exactly what we did together as husband and wife. I prayed that my children would not have to experience parenthood as singles, but enjoy the experience with the person that God has destined for them to share a lifetime with.

And in closing if I can leave you with anything at all it would be surrender to God and he will make all the difference in every aspect of your life as long as you open up every area. To answer the question, God is why we have been together for 20 plus years and knowing that no matter what we will always ask what would Jesus do in every situation. Be slow to angry, quick to forgive, and always willing to admit when you're wrong. One of the sweetest things that I have heard my girls say after a conference they attended for youth was that they were writing a list of what they required in a husband and that they pray about it and can check off things once that person enters their lives. At the age of 16 and 13 that is so inspiring to hear from this generation that a lot have written off but for me, I believe that these young people will be world changers with the help of God, parents, friends, relatives, and others that directly influence a young person today. Let's all do our parts and step up and be the best YOU that you can be and always remember that you always have eyes on you even when you can't see them.

Kiss every chance you get. Hug him like you mean it! Having a goal helps us make choices that free us. What you do EVERY DAY matters more than what you do ONCE IN A WHILE.
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Continue to Date Your Spouse

Sometimes we get so busy with day to day life, that we forget the very things that connected us in the first place. There is a misconception that dating stops once you put a ring on. That couldn't be further from the truth. It is essential to have a date night with your spouse often to maintain that love and communication with one another. For your relationship it may be once a month, every two weeks or once a week you make that decision. The important thing is that you make it a priority to spend time with one another where there is no one else in the room just you and your spouse. I mean that's what it should seem like because you're so entangled in each others presence and that it's creating memories for years to come that you will look back on and smile.

Remember the date does not have to be the man's plan, women we have some very creative ideas that will put a smile on our man's face. And if you're not creative google romantic date ideas, or fun date ideas google is your friend use it if necessary. Everything you did to get that mate was a requirement it does not stop there. Sometimes you have to push rewind because that's what worked. I know for me I love when my husband puts on clothes and smells good so I want a date night just because of that because it takes me back to our dating days before marriage and I remember when he use to make sure he looked and smelled good before coming to my house. Y'all know what I'm talking about I love when we are able to recreate those special moments that remind us why we fell for that person.

For me and my hubby we do date night once a week sometimes twice a week. We take our marriage serious and want to do everything possible to ensure that we make it last for a lifetime. Date night/day helps strengthen your marriage in so many ways. It certainly helps with communication and if you play your cards right it can help in the bedroom and you get lucky after date night at home.

Date night does not have to be elaborate it can be as simple as a walk in the park and you all swing on the swings and maybe act like kids taking it back to when you were carefree, but the best part now is that you share life with a wonderful partner. My husband and I love doing date night on a budget so I'm always looking for coupons or deals, it's not about the money it's about the time spent and the memories we make with one another.

My prayer is that this helps those married couples that come across it and put it into action and your marriage is strengthen and made better. Love flows through a marriage that lives up to mutual responsibility. “Love is not self seeking, it’s not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrong.” (1 Corinthians 13:5 )

Kiss every chance you get. Hug him like you mean it! Having a goal helps us make choices that free us. What you do EVERY DAY matters more than what you do ONCE IN A WHILE.
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The Modern Woman Proverbs 31

We all make choices. Some very vibrant and intelligent women trade fame and fortune for peace and quiet. It is a matter of preference. Do not allow peer pressure to force you into a role that makes you uncomfortable. You have a right, as a daughter of the living God, to press toward goals and promises that are as unique and diverse as you can imagine.

Even animals have a strategy for the future. It is crucial that you also prepare a strategy by assessing the environment in which you must survive. Then, begin to make preparations for the changing seasons of life. If the ant has to do it, so do you.

The daughter who aspires to a lofty goal that she is capable of managing emotionally and intellectually should not be restricted purely on the basis of her sex. Likewise, within the gender, other women should not try to belittle her because she has chosen to express her gifting in an arena that may not be traditional in her society. Need I remind you that the virtuous woman in Proverbs 31 was a businesswoman who owned property, produced products, sold goods and cared for her family? She was a modern woman.

Do not allow even well-meaning Christians to box you in with their personal preferences. You do not have to consult any ladies luncheon group or sewing circle. A single woman is submitted to her God. A married woman is submitted to her husband. Beyond the submission outlined in Scripture, tell everyone else to stop playing God with your future. In spiritual matters, whether you are married or unmarried, submit to your pastor (see Hebrews 13:17).

Let's look back again at these precious daughters of Zelophehad who went to Moses to challenge the fairness of the "good o boys" policy that was in effect (see Numbers 27:1-11). Their actions suggested, " We are women, but we are blessed women." In other words, "We are not cursed, and we have the right to walk as any other blessed person walks." They did it without male bashing or disrespect to authority. They went through proper channels, but bless God, they went through. You don't want to be rebellious, because "rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft" (see 1 Samuel 15:23). Nevertheless, you still want to get what the Father has for you to inherit.

You are a modern woman. You are free to be everything God has gifted you to be. Do not allow the world to define what your womanhood should be. Know God's call to your life and obey it. There has never been a time when women have been more free. So explore, express, and enjoy the opportunities He setts before you.

Kiss every chance you get. Hug him like you mean it! Having a goal helps us make choices that free us. What you do EVERY DAY matters more than what you do ONCE IN A WHILE.
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A Happy Wife A Happy Life

How many times have you heard that or even quoted that statement? Well on most counts that's a true statement. I've said it a lot of the years since being married. For the most part husbands if you can make you wife happy she in turn will do the same for you. However, in the same token wives it's a 50/50 situation it's not our husband's job to make us happy 100% of the time or your job to make your husband happy 100% of the time. Happiness has to be found within one's self and when that is accomplished you're able to in return make others happy effortlessly.

What I have come to realize is that if I'm not happy in my current situation what is it that I need to do to change that. We have to be accountable for our own happiness and not rest it on someone else's shoulders. Do a self examination of yourself to get to the root of what's causing you to be unhappy and allowing you to reflect that all around you. We have the power to change our environment by our thoughts which lead to action. However that all begins with tracking back to the source ad then finding the solution.

*Get connected to the vine which will guide you to self evaluation and allow you to really look in the mirror and see yourself. *Be open to what you discover and willing to take necessary steps to produce change. *Remember you are never alone and keep your ears tuned to heaven to hear what the Father is speaking. *Speak positive things in your life and you will begin to see those things manifest. *Be what you want to attract and you will soon see the happiness all around you.

I speak from experience and it's going to forever be a process it's not a transformation that will happen over night but with continued practice you will become a expert at making yourself happy. I've learned to take it one day at a time and appreciate that God loved me enough to give me a husband that's willing to take the journey with me. Also that neither of us are perfect, but if everyday we strive to be our very best with one another that is what will be reflected the best we have to offer. Our happiness depends on us as individuals and when we are happy with ourselves we bring that to our marriage and produce a fulfilling union.

Kiss every chance you get. Hug him like you mean it! Having a goal helps us make choices that free us. What you do EVERY DAY matters more than what you do ONCE IN A WHILE.
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Black women smile

Kiss every chance you get. Hug him like you mean it! Having a goal helps us make choices that free us. What you do EVERY DAY matters more than what you do ONCE IN A WHILE.
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Plug in to God's Power

Nearly every home in America is wired for electricity. Walls are covered with receptacles that deliver the electric current. In order to take advantage of the power, something must be plugged in to the receptacle. The receptacle is the female, and the plug is the male.

Like receptacles, women were made to be receivers. Men were made to be givers-physically, sexually, and emotionally. The woman was fashioned out of the man to complete his purpose, to be a helpmeet. She helps him meet and accomplish his task. Take the power saw, for example. A power saw has great potential for cutting. However, it is ineffective until it is plugged in. The receptacle helps the power saw meet its purpose. Without the receptacle, the saw, though mighty, remains limited.

There is a certain vulnerability about being a receptacle. By nature, women are wide open; men are closed. You must be careful what you allow to plug in to you and draw strength from you. The wrong plugs can drain your power.

God recognizes your vulnerability; therefore, He has designed a plan whereby a man who plugs in to a woman sexually must have a covenant with her. God never intended for anyone to have casual sex. His design always included the commitment of a covenant. He planned for men and women who are joined together sexually to be committed for life. Nothing short of this commitment meets His standard.

God wants a woman to be covered like an outlet is covered, in order that no one tamper with her intended purpose. The married woman is covered by her husband. The single woman is covered by her chastity and morality. It is dangerous to be uncovered.

In Genesis 3, we see that Eve allowed herself to be uncovered by Satan, who plugged in to her desire to see, taste, and be wise. The enemy took advantage of her weakness. Be careful whom you let uncover you. The wrong person can lead you to complete destruction.

Be on your guard. There is a special conflict between women and the enemy. He is attracted to you because he knows that you were designed to help meet someone's purpose. If he can get you to help meet his purpose, you will belong to him and not to God.

If godly women do not learn how to start praying and doing effective spiritual warfare, they will never discern what is plugging in to them. Pray to be plugged in to the mighty power of God's Spirit. He alone can overcome the enemy's strategy to bring you down.

Kiss every chance you get. Hug him like you mean it! Having a goal helps us make choices that free us. What you do EVERY DAY matters more than what you do ONCE IN A WHILE.
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Marriage will not always be peaches and cream

I wanted to let couples know that marriage will not always be peaches and cream. I know that going into marriage a lot of couples think that once they say I do it's going to be a fairytale. Well I'm here to tell you that there will be times where you won't be able to stand your spouse, but it's in those times that you realize what your relationship is really made of. So many women go into marriage with unrealistic expectations and when their partner does not measure up to the perception they have in their head their ready to call it quits. I'm here to give you some tips to have that fairytale 95% of the time because remember you both are different individuals even though you are suppose to consistently be working to be on one accord in the real world that won't always be possible. We are individuals with different opinions and most of the time are not afraid to voice them and that will certainly lead to confusion in the home.

1. Learning how to compromise with your spouse is one of the biggest things that I can advise to any couple. I know that most women are use to getting their way and saying it's my way or the highway. If you go into a relationship with that type of mentality you will find yourself by yourself. Once you stand before God and say I do you are taking a vow for better or for worse and that you vow to be one. With that being said you have to learn how to lay your wants to the side and if you begin to take care of your spouse and the other spouse does the same you are both working together to make sure that each others needs are met and you will find that you won't have to compromise as much. If your wife wants you to sit and watch a cheesy show or movie with her or if your husband wants you to go shot pool with him take one for team and remember it's not about what you're doing but it's about spending time with the person you love and ensuring that the bond stays strong.

2. Be your spouses biggest cheerleader you have to be behind your partner with everything you got because that allows them to dream and for those dreams to manifest. If you don't believe in one another how will you ever be able to be all that God called you all to be as a union that God ordained. When you enter into a marriage it's no longer my it's our and you have to always have that in the forefront of your mind in everything you do. Everyone wants to be told that their doing a good job, and wants to know that you're acknowledging their efforts. Whenever you don't water the dreams of your spouse you slowly kill their desire to dream anymore and the end result is a life full of resentment and angry.

Ephesians 5:25-28 Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favor—since they’re already “one” in marriage.

3. Always remember to make time for another that is one of the most tips I can give. I remember on our wedding day when my daddy gave his speech to me and my new husband and he stated that "these two are always together one could not go anywhere without the other" I laugh every time I hear it when we watch our wedding video. But we took that same behavior into our marriage we love spending time with one another. No matter what it is if it's taking a walk at the park, playing tennis, going to the grocery store, or just sitting around talking and watching t.v. You learn to appreciate the little things that so many people take for granted you have to learn how to just enjoy one another.

4. Never use sex as a weapon to punish your spouse. This is something that most women do to get back at their husbands for something that they did not do or if there was an argument that did not go your way. The Bible stays that once you get married your body is no longer yours it's your spouses so in all reality you no longer own your body it's your spouses. Sex is a need not a want and it's a privilege to be the one to fulfill that need of your husband. Not to say that it's suppose to be a chore because when you and your spouse are intimate with one another it should be a beautiful thing and if you go into it with the mindset that you are expressing love with one another and that makes it wonderful.

1 Corinthians 7:2-6 Certainly—but only within a certain context. It’s good for a man to have a wife, and for a woman to have a husband. Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder. The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to “stand up for your rights.” Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out. Abstaining from sex is permissible for a period of time if you both agree to it, and if it’s for the purposes of prayer and fasting—but only for such times. Then come back together again. Satan has an ingenious way of tempting us when we least expect it. I’m not, understand, commanding these periods of abstinence—only providing my best counsel if you should choose them.

5. Let you husband be the king of his castle. Learn how to submit to your spouse and that's not saying that you bow down to him but it's saying allow your husband to lead the home. God never intended for the women to be the man of the home or to carry that burden. I know that nowadays a lot of women are so independent that they make men feel unwanted because they say I can do this by myself. Even if you're use to doing things on your own you have to reprogram you mind and heart to know that once you said I do that you said you believe he can take care of you so let him.

I hope that these tips are helpful to those that read them and put them into action in your marriage. I know from experience things that have worked in my home with my marriage for the past 14 years and together for the past 22 years. God has truly done a great work in our marriage and I'm certain that without him being the third cord in out marriage we would not be able to do this thing called marriage. I can truly say that as each and every day that goes by I love my husband more and more daily. I'm certainly learning how to make our marriage peaches and cream everyday. Here's to love and a lasting marriage!!

Kiss every chance you get. Hug him like you mean it! Having a goal helps us make choices that free us. What you do EVERY DAY matters more than what you do ONCE IN A WHILE.
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Balancing Family Life!!

5 Powerful Tips to A Successful Marriage

I wanted to come and take a minute to wrote a post about maintaining a successful marriage for years to come. Me and my husband Cleavon have been married for what will be 14 years this November. But we have had the pleasure of sharing each other lives for more than 20 years. We have been pledged to find each other and know that we are what God designed in soul mates it's not to brag but when God has joined it and predestined it the blessings are amazing..

I know that everyone when considering marriage thinks to themselves what does it take to make a marriage have longevity and not just that but still be able to stand each other year after year. And to be honest I didn't always feel like me and my husband were going to make it, and I'm sure if you're honest with yourself you can say the same. But the difference between a thought and reality is that I was committed to success in my marriage and committed to do whatever it required for us to be the example to our children of what it meant to be totally committed and sold out for another person. I decided from the beginning that there was no one else that was in this world for me. It took my other half a while to realize that he had his wife in his midst all he had to do was ask and it would have been a YES at the top of my lungs. LOL.

What I want to share is that it's not always going to be easy but you have to make up in your head and heart that no matter what this is going to work and I'm going to do my part to ensure it will. So with that being said here are 5 thing that me and my husband implement in our marriage and it has certainly meant the world to us going forward in harmony..

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1. Always keep God as the third cord in your marriage because with out God your marriage is sure headed to disaster. If you are having a issue with you spouse instead of complaining to your partner about it take it to God in prayer and allow your Father to correct what needs to be corrected instead of nagging or complaining to your partner. That's a sure fire why to keep peace in the home and the devil out of your union..

2. Date one another just because you said I do does not mean that the romance is over. You have to still make time for one another where it's just time for the 2 of you to just be in each others presence. It does not always have to be a night out on the town either, as you all begin to do this on a weekly basis you will see it is not about the place as much as the person that you're with. And don't get me wrong it is always a plus to sweep her/him off their feet with a romantic date or getaway and will certainly earn your brownie points for later..

3. Communication is a big part of any marriage without it you're not going to be able to do it. Most people think that communication means talking but no that's not at all what communication means. It's being able to talk with one other one at a time and the other truly listening to what the other has to say clear of their comeback to what is being expressed. Now if you both master this you will have a line of communication that will allow you to thrive for years to come. Because remember when it's all said and done you took vows to love this person for better or worse, richer or poorer etc. so take that vow serious and take the time to sit down and really communicate with one another..

4. Never go to bed upset with one another this is something that me and my husband vowed to each other from the very beginning. When you go to bed upset with one other all that does is create strife in the home which leads to a very long night. Trust me I know I'm speaking from experience because yes sometimes I allowed myself to be so upset that I did not want to talk or even be in the same bed with him. But what we quickly realized is that if we wanted a good nights rest let's straighten this out now and that it's not solving anything by going to bed mad. The only thing that resulted in is time to thinking about if this is what I have to look forward to and do I want to deal with this. So in order to kill all that quickly admit your part in the disagreement and forgive and move on to continuing to grow with each other..

5. Learn how to compromise with one other you are not always going to get your way in life or in marriage. This was a big thing for me because I was raised as the baby of the family and was use to getting my way. This is also a part of maturing in life as the bible states when I was a child I acted as a child, well now you're an adult and you have to grow up. I'm not saying that you always have to be the one to compromise it should be shared because you are no longer two your are now one and that is how you should be acting. .

I can go on and on with great tips that have allowed me and my husband to be the best of friends and be more in love with one another today then when we got married. But that's all I will share for now but please do come back and check out my blog for I will be sharing more valuable information that I hope you will take and implement into your marriages to have a love story like no other and be able to be an example of the couple God created marriage to look like..

Kiss every chance you get. Hug him like you mean it! Having a goal helps us make choices that free us. What you do EVERY DAY matters more than what you do ONCE IN A WHILE.
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1 Corinthians 13:4-7 The Message (MSG) 3-7 If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love. Love never gives up..

Love cares more for others than for self..

Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have..

Love doesn’t strut,.

Doesn’t have a swelled head,.

Doesn’t force itself on others,.

Isn’t always “me first,” .

Doesn’t fly off the handle,.

Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,.

Doesn’t revel when others grovel,.

Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,.

Puts up with anything,.

Trusts God always,.

Always looks for the best,.

Never looks back,.

But keeps going to the end.

Why do men STOP Pursuing Once They Get Married?

A quick question that I felt needed to be posed to husbands about romance.

I heard someone once say that a woman defines romance as the feeling of being continually pursued. What do you think about that?”

“I don’t think that is very realistic, or practical,”. “A man can’t continually pursue a woman. Why should he? A man pursues a woman, but at some point, she has to make a decision to marry him or not. To let herself be caught or walk away. A decision has to be made. The pursing has to stop at some point.”

“And I think that is one of the problems in marriages today,”. “The man stops pursuing the woman’s heart after she says ‘I do’.”

“You pursue something to catch it. When you get married, that means you caught her.”

“I know it doesn’t make sense to a man,”.“But a woman wants to continually feel pursued. Maybe that’s why married women escape with movies like Pride and Prejudice or get absorbed in Romance novels. They are trying to grasp for, cling to, or stir up that feeling of being pursued. But for a guy, after the ink on the marriage license dries, it seems the man thinks the need for pursuit dries up as well. The bride and groom walk across the moat of singleness, into the castle of marriage, and he pulls the drawbridge up as if it’s a done deal. The End.”

“But a man can’t spend his life pursuing someone he’s already captured,”.

“Why not?”

Not so with God. He gets it. He does it.

C. S. Lewis, in his work, The Weight of Glory, argued that the most fundamental thing is not how we think of God but rather what God thinks of us. “How God thinks of us is not only more important, but infinitely more important.” God thinks that you are worth romancing with glory moments to capture your heart time and time again.

The question is, do we get it? Do we see God’s continual wooing of our heart? Daily? Hourly? Do we recognize the romance of God in the routine of life?

Right smack dab in the middle of writing this chapter, God sent me a love note. I stopped writing, turned aside, and paid attention. Then I opened by journal and jotted it down. It may seem out of place here, but I want to show you how God can interrupt and infuse your life with sudden glory moments. Some ridiculously outrageous and others relatively subtle.

When you expect God to make His presence known, you begin to see His hand and hear His voice in moments of sudden glory—as you live and move and have your being in Him. Signs of His presence brighten even the dullest days when you have eyes open to see. When you tune your senses to God’s timbre, you begin to hear His song. Receptivity and attentiveness are the frequency of His voice. Hearing God’s voice and sensing His presence is not difficult, but it is otherworldly. So pay attention to His advances. He rejoices when you glance His way.

Kiss every chance you get. Hug him like you mean it! Having a goal helps us make choices that free us. What you do EVERY DAY matters more than what you do ONCE IN A WHILE.

This is where it gets a lil tricky

Mr. Jackson's view: I was excited and nervous all at the same time. It's my first time out of Miami, FL not knowing what was in my path I was off to college; heading to Knoxville, TN. It took 24 hours on Greyhound being that I fell asleep and missed my stop. I was traveling alone boy oh boy so many memories of my life going thru my head. It was a bitter sweet ride, it was August 1991 and I was picked up by my college defensive end coach. On the van I saw some of my high school teammates oh yeah I was feeling good then. College life WOW the hype the campus life the girls the women football alright alright come down. After a couple weeks on campus this girl appeared on campus with a few other girls, my boys was like what you wanna do Clea? I told them I told y'all I'm being faithful this time around. I had left my new girlfriend back home in Miami you remember the one that I hooked up with after high school graduation Literally after the ceremony. I told her before I left Miami that I was going to be true to her. Anyway back to this girl on campus, I told myself that I'll introduce myself to be friendly plus I couldn't let my boys talk about me all day. So she asked me the world's famous question..Do you have a girlfriend? What y'all think I said? By the time December came my girl in Miami, come to find out was missing she had stop calling, writing, being home when I called. I wish I had a cellphone back then LOL I would've caught her butt in some more lies. Here it is I told this girl that I had a girlfriend back home when we met in August. Boy oh boy I couldn't wait to get back home for Christmas break she owed me playing Clea for a duck.

To my surprise or should I say relief when I got home I saw this pretty fly chick walk outside her house going to a car. Hold up, hold up that can't be her hold up, hold up, boy oh boy that was good day. I stepped to her with the quickness you live here I asked with the smoothest voice I could come up with. She said yes I was like Yes to myself this was going to be an interesting Christmas break. Did I say she was hott, the prettiest brown skin ever, sizzling. I had to go for the gusto...I asked her what's up with me and you I had done forgot all about what's her name. But Lil Red that's what I called her responded by saying when you get home for good then holla at me. I don't do long distance relationships. I enjoyed watching her lips moving so what you mean? You heard what I said was her reply. Alright I respect that I'll see ya.


Mrs. Jackson's view: After our reunion chance encounter at the gym it would be a couple of months before we see each other again. I would have never thought in a million years that we would continue to dip in and out of each others lives like this. One thing is certain now is that we were truly meant to be together. As life would have it we came across each others path yet again and this time he was making his interest known. Who would have guessed in all the places to live in Miami my parents would choose to live next door to this guy who I seem to continue to run into. Well that's exactly what happen my family ended up living next door to Mr. Jackson, but of course at the time I had no idea. He was away at school in Tennessee when we moved in, but of course once he came home for a break we saw each other. I'm about to leave the house and he was outside he came over and was like you live here now. My reply was yes and then he stated I live next door we need to hang out. I was playing hard to get I was like are you going back to school. He replied yes I said OK then let's see when you come home for good if were both available at that time. I don't do long distance relationships, because you don't know what I'm doing here and I don't know what you're doing there. So when you come home for good come see me then. So once again we part.....

Kiss every chance you get. Hug him like you mean it! Having a goal helps us make choices that free us. What you do EVERY DAY matters more than what you do ONCE IN A WHILE.

A Chance Encounter That Changed Our Lives

Her spin of event:

So you all may be saying OK if you all were just friends how did you end up together again. Well years had passed and I was now in high school and it just so happened that I was in the gym and he came in. I'm sitting in the bleachers talking with my friends during PE cause of course I'm one of the pretty girls who didn't like to sweat. So he saw me and came over and was like what's up long time no see. My reply was like WOW looking real good now, of course this is what's going on in my head. I would never say that out loud back then. LOL  So that became a chance encounter in our journey to being together 20 something years later. Of course at the time neither of us knew that we would end up saying I do to each other one day.......

His spin of event:

I had just graduated from high school that year, I ran into a familiar pretty face. It had been a couple of years since we've last saw each other. I went to visit my high school football coach before heading off to Tennesse for college. I went into the gym and there she was sitting there in the bleachers. I went over to say hello. I was excited to see her again! We talked for a bit then for some reason I felt a little nervous. Something came over me you know that strange, undescribable feeling in your gut. I asked her to hold my favorite watch while I play basketball. I wanted to show her my ballin skills. I walked on to the gym floor feeling like what just happened the feeling I felt. My favorite watch it's something about this girl, is what I thought. I left the gym later thinking maybe I should've asked her for her number, but I already had a girl who I hooked up with towards the end of my senior year. So I let Everlena be but I knew I felt something different around her.


Kiss every chance you get. Hug him like you mean it! Having a goal helps us make choices that free us. What you do EVERY DAY matters more than what you do ONCE IN A WHILE.

20 Dates For Less Than $20

I am always looking for great date night ideas for me and my hubby. Believe it or not a lot of people think that once you get married that the dating STOPS...that is the biggest mistake you can make in your marriage. The same things you did to get that person are the same things you have to do to maintain the relationship. Dating does not have to be a extravagant production  it is not about where you go, but about spending time with one another and great conversation which means great memories and if you're lucky a GREAT night. Wives still need to be swept off their feet and husbands need to know that they are still the apple of your eye. So never take each other for granted or get so caught up in the kids and daily responsibilities that you forget about each other. Because guess what you made a commitment to be with one another for a lifetime and in order for that to happen you have to invest time into one another. So with that said I found these ideas courtesy of Ministers Mike and Wanda Collins @http://www.christian-marriage-today.com/romance-ideas.html and thought I'd share these great ideas with the rest of the married couples. A lot of times couples don't have date night because they say they don't have the money because they put to much emphasis on going all out. Just take the time to enjoy your spouse......

1. Have a Joke Telling Showdown -- Has the art of laughing
been lost in your relationship? The Bible says that laughter is
medicine for the soul. And we couldn’t agree more. So, why
not plan a night strictly for being silly. Make each person
responsible for finding or creating funny jokes or stories to
share with the other person. For extra fun you can each dress
silly and ask your kids to be the joke judges.

2. Create a Homemade Spa – Start by placing fresh linen on
your bed and then sprinkling the sheets with rose petals. You
could also lightly spray the sheets and pillowcases with a
relaxing aroma such as jasmine. Now, either dim the lights in
the bedroom, or light candles. Use your stereo or portable
CD player to play soft background music. Then move to the
bathroom and create the same type of atmosphere there.
After the two of you enjoy a warm bubble bath together,
move to the bedroom and give each other full body
massages using baby oil or massage oil.

3. Cook a Meal Together – Visit the Food Network website or
your favorite recipe website and select a romantic recipe.
Print the recipe and then go grocery shopping together to
hunt for ingredients. Bring the ingredients home and then have a good time cooking your selected dish together. Touching, kissing, and flirting are highly encouraged in the
kitchen.

4. Be Kids Again – Take a trip to the local park and enjoy the
swings, seesaw, and sliding board. For added fun visit a
water park.

5. Visit a Pet Store – If both you and your spouse are animal
lovers this is sure to be a lot of fun!

6. Go House Hunting – What does your dream home look like?
How many bedrooms does it have? Note sure? Well, why not
go house hunting together? Have fun walking through new
homes as you create a mental image of your future blessing.

7. Read Out Loud to Each Other-- Borrow your favorite book
from the library or purchase a book. Take turns reading out
loud to each other. Even try different voices for different
characters. Then talk about what you liked about the story or
what you didn't like.

8. House Swap – For a free weekend getaway, try house
swapping with some friends.

9. Go People Watching – Humans are some the most
interesting specimens to observe. Go to the mall, airport, or
Local Park and hang out for a few hours watching people
come and go.

10. Go to a $1 Movie – The cost to go to the movies these days is
in our opinion, ridiculous! By the time you add in the cost of
popcorn, a candy bar, and a soda, you could have paid for a
ticket to see a Broadway show. Okay, maybe we’re
exaggerating a wee bit, but I think you get our point. We
suggest you find a One Dollar Movie theater in your town and
enjoy a movie there. The cost, including snacks from the
concession counter is more than 50% less than the total cost of a
regular theater.

11. Dessert and Coffee – After dinner, take a trip to your
favorite coffee shop. Once there, order your favorite drink and
share a dessert. Now, relax there for a while. Enjoy your treats,
the conversation, and the atmosphere.

12. A Country Drive/ City Drive – How sad it is that some of us
never leave the perimeters of work, home, and church. There’s
a lot of interesting things to see right there in your own city.
Why not take the scenic route to “no place” and enjoy seeing
things you’ve not seen before. Be sure to pack a lunch from
home to avoid wasting money on fast food purchases.

13. A Romantic Walk – Before turning in for the evening, take a
romantic walk under the stars. Hold hands and talk about your
hopes and dreams for the future.

14. Game Night with Friends – Invite a few couples over for
games and fun. If you’re short on games, ask each couple to
bring their favorite game. Here are a few suggestions: Scrabble,
Cards Games, Charades, and Pictionary.

15. Miniature Golf – You don’t have to be a pro golfer to play
miniature golf. This is a stress free, fun filled activity that many
unmarried couples choose as a first date. Why? First of all it’s
inexpensive (that is, if you don’t play too many games), it gives
the two of you a chance to talk. And on top of that, a little
healthy competition is always fun!

16. A Picnic – Pack two blankets and a few of your favorite
picnic foods. Visit your Local Park right before the sun goes
down. Use one blanket to sit on and the other blanket for
snuggling and cuddling under cover. Enjoy the food, the sunset,
and each other.

17. Visit a Bookstore – Have fun searching for a book the two of
you would enjoy reading together. The challenge of course is to
keep the cost of the book at $20 or less.

18. Taste Testing – Each person gets $10 to go out and purchase
items for tasting. The items that each person buys must be kept
a secret from the other person. At home, you’ll each take turns
feeding each other the foods purchased you each purchased.
The catch is that the person doing the tasting must wear a
blindfold.

19. Jazz in the Park – Every Summer our Parks and Recreation
association offers free music concerts in the park. Typically, it’s
done on the weekend and there’s never a shortage of people.
Which why you should plan on arriving early. Bring two folding
chairs, a couple of blankets, sandwiches, and drinks from home.

20. A Day at the Beach – If you live near water why not spend a
day at the beach with your sweetie. The two of you can collect
seashells, go snorkeling, build a sand castle, or just walk along
the shoreline. To keep this date under twenty dollars you will
need to bring your own lunch, beach chairs, and umbrellas.

Have Fun Dating Your Spouse!

Kiss every chance you get. Hug him like you mean it! Having a goal helps us make choices that free us. What you do EVERY DAY matters more than what you do ONCE IN A WHILE.

The Start of Forever

This is Everlena's input on the situation:

Well when we first met it was not love at first sight, but like at first sight. I thought he was cute and I loved his legs super sexy. Still to this day I think that his legs are the most attractive thing on his body. LOL We were hanging out at a mutual friends house and were introduced. That was 20 something years ago, he was a older guy and I knew he was more than likely a player. I was not interested in playing any games or getting caught in the middle of his foolishness. With that being said that's what I was feeling but of course he had his eyes set on something else. So he would come over to this friends house often and over time we became friends and from friends it lead to us liking each other but no titles. We shared a couple of kisses here and there but nothing major. After awhile he realized it wasn't going to go any further then a kiss, I guess he said she's moving to slow for me. So we stopped kissing and just remained friends would see each other around the neighborhood from time to time and speak but that was it.  I'll fill you in on the next post. I look forward to sharing more of journey to forever......

This is Cleavon's input on the situation:

The start seems like forever. WOW! She's sho is pretty. That was the thought that came to my mind. I was glad to hang around someone as beautiful as Everlena. I thought you were suppose to touch, hug and kiss to show you were interested. I was a mislead young boy. I messed that friendship up early. LOL IGNORANCE! Hey I had no clue no true model of how to start a relationship we will get more into that later.....

Thanks for joining us as we embrack on this journey..
Kiss every chance you get. Hug him like you mean it! Having a goal helps us make choices that free us. What you do EVERY DAY matters more than what you do ONCE IN A WHILE.